Getting Stuck, Looping Thoughts & Keepy-Uppies
Last summer I was hanging out my washing as the grandchildren of my neighbour played football next door. I did not interact with them; they did not interact with me, except for an awkward glance exchanged between one of them and myself. However, in contrast when the neighbour on the other side pulled up in their car and walked to their front door, I heard a breezy exchange of hellos from all parties.
Whilst this may appear small and inconsequential to most, for me it had the ability to influence the outcome of the rest of my day due to repetitive, looping and spiralling thoughts-
-Why didn’t I say hello when I saw them?
-Should I have said hello when I saw them, or would that appear weird?
-The neighbour said hello- but maybe she knows them better than I do?
-I should be more friendly, it’s polite, I bet I seem rude, I bet they all dislike me and think I am weird
-What I should’ve done is say ‘hey how many keepy-uppies can you do?’
-I can do keepy-uppies, that would’ve been a thing to do and is friendly
-Although maybe that would seem weird- I mean I don’t really know them, why would I be doing keepy-uppies with them?
Following the same thread, the questions carried on in my head for most of the day. Luckily in this case I was able to shift my focus to other tasks that needed doing, so the whole day wasn’t a write off. But it could have been.
Incidents like this happen to me most days, even with people I know or am friends with. The processing of interactions and communications both verbal and non-verbal to try and make sense of them is exhausting.
19 February 2026
Average Autistic In Recovery 