Feeling like a God
I saw a recent post online that reminded me of one of the standard jokes you often hear in recovery circles-
“you offer an alcoholic the choice: one- they give up drinking and in return get a life full of joy, contentment and wellbeing. Or, two- they keep drinking and in return get either incarcerated, institutionalised or dead. The alcoholic replies, I’ll need to get back to you”
Like many of the standard tales and stories that weave their way through recovery communities, this makes me smile. It makes me smile because it’s true. I, like most other addicts, did not find lasting sobriety from my first search. I found it and lost it in quick succession on numerous occasions. Even when faced with very real threats of incarceration, institutionalisation and at times ever declining ill health, I still was not ready to give up what I had.
What I had provided me with the illusion of comfort, safety and nourishment. It gave me friendship, love and understanding free from judgement whenever I needed it. Heck, at times having that drink could make me feel like a God. Why would anyone give that up?
Some days that is the hardest question in the world to answer. I can’t tell you why this time I found a sobriety that’s got me to 998 days sober. I can’t tell you if there will be a 999th day.
But, I could tell you all the things that I lost up until that 1st day of sobriety, 998 days ago.
Average Autistic In Recovery 